Cough Cough Hack Hack

[Caution: More sickie talk. And yes, I know that there are many many worse things going on in the world right now than my puniness. ]

Feelin' better, but I have to finally admit that I am no longer a spring chicken. It's really taking me a lot longer than it used to, trying to shake this respiratory thing. Guess I'm getting older. Jason said to me the other day, "I'd like my wife back. I miss you. It's been like living with a zombie." I suppose so. But instead of wandering around, moaning, "Braaaaaaaains...", it's more like "Mucineeeeeex..."

I am so ready to be over this whole mucus thing. I've been sleeping upright for a week now just so I can sleep without hacking the whole night. And I am also ready to be finished with this exhaustion. My energy is gone about an hour after I get up in the morning.

Our next door neighbor told Jason yesterday that her daughter-in-law just got over bronchitis and it lasted a month. She also broke a rib coughing. No broken ribs here, but I definitely pulled something in my lower groin while coughing a week ago. For several days, I had to pull my leg to my chest when I coughed because of the pulled muscle. Now wasn't that a sight. Stinky, unbathed Ellen, hopping around the house on one foot, coughing and wheezing.

Anyway, after all that pathetic whining, to bring in a little bit of Real World Problems perspective to this post, I'd like to make a plug for donations to Half The Sky. They are an organization that specifically helps orphans in China. After the earthquake, quite a few of the orphanages are severely damaged, and who knows how many more children have been orphaned in the past week and will end up in those orphanages themselves. If you donate to Half The Sky, the money will go directly for blankets, food, water and formula.

I Be Sick Part III

I am feeling a little better. I think that the antibiotics are kicking in.

You know, a virus is nasty, but an infection is just so much worse. It's kinda like Lord of the Rings. The initial virus is like the skirmishes that the nine have in The Fellowship of the Ring. At the time, it seems really bad, with the Orcs in the cave and all that. But then, when you get to the infection, it's like Two Towers, where there are all these nasty Orcs of mucus trying to tear your fortress down and all you've got left from dealing with the virus is a couple of old men and little boys and nursing mothers from Rohan. You look back at all that Fellowship stuff and you are like, "Dude, that was nothing." I guess Gandalf is sort of the antibiotic. And pneumonia is Mordor. Trust me.

Whatever. My brain hurts and that probably won't make any sense tomorrow.

Jason took Anna away for a Mother's Day present. A bit funny, no? I must give Jason props. He has been a trooper through this crap. I've always said that there's "Poor Baby" people and "Suck It Up" people. I think that I took it for granted that I had a "Poor Baby" mother while growing up. I came to expect that. Jason is definitely not in the "Poor Baby" camp, but he's been Father of the Year for the past few days. I commend him.

And who is the genius that put Expectorant with Cough Suppressant? What? To get the mucus out of your body (the point of the Expectorant) you must cough. I KNOW! Let's add a cough SUPPRESSANT to the formula! Am I missing something? An Expectorant/Cough Suppressant with some sort of Star Trek device to beam the offending mucus out of the body is the only way that would make any sense.

I Be Sick Part II

I am getting nailed by this thing. I went to the doctor yesterday ("bronchitis") and got some antibiotics. I felt better for awhile today, but now I've got that fever back and I believe that I blew out the remaining chunk of my energy with that last tissue honk.

I keep calling my mommy who lives two time zones away and telling her that I need her and to please come over right this minute. Arizona sucks. I hate Arizona. It has my mother.

And I just noticed that someone has smeared banana all over the computer screen. Hopefully, it was Anna. And hopefully, it's really banana.

Here is my question for the internet, because I am honestly too exhausted to Google right now... how does one cough up phlegm? I know that you probably think that I am a dingbat, but I have never been able to hock a loogie. I just swallow the stuff. I have always figured that the stomach acid would do it's job.... am I mistaken? Is it bad to swallow phlegm? Is there a loogie gene or secret that I am missing? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

I Be Sick

Anna caught a nasty flu virus with high fever and a cough two weeks ago. It lasted for about four or five days, then she was finished. I don't like having a sick daughter, but I must say, sometimes it's a bit nice having the wind knocked out of her sails for just a few days. She curled up on my lap for several days, stroking my cheek (actually the mole on my cheek-- it is her "comfort mole.") I got to dote on her and snuggle with her. One of those times when I can see the perks of having an only child.

Then last Friday, Jason and I got knocked out by this viral thing. Let it be known that two sick parents and one active three-year do not a pleasant household make. On Sunday, I even dragged my 101 degree body to the park so Anna could run around.

Anyway, I thought I was getting better on Monday, but then yesterday, I got nailed again. I have this horrible mucus-laden cough and my fever returned. I have barely slept because I'm either coughing or dripping with sweat from my temp breaking. Could I have bronchitis? I have never had it before. Whatever it is, it stinks. People keep saying, "Mucinex, woman, Mucinex" so I just sent Jason out with Anna to procure some of that.

I'm paranoid about developing pneumonia, so I have a doc appointment set up for tomorrow.

I just don't understand how a body could make so much phlegm. I have coughed up so much of the stuff, I swear, I could build another version of myself with phlegm.

My Etsy Problem

I'm discovering that I have an Etsy problem. Herein lies my Etsy problem...

I have about fifty items that I have finished, but have not gotten my butt in gear to list. Listing involves setting up lighting, taking a photo of the artwork, downloading it onto the pooter, Photoshopping and cropping it, uploading it to Etsy, writing out a listing and description and pressing "Finish." It doesn't sound difficult, does it? The thing is, I only have so many non-Anna minutes in the day and when faced with doing the listing things OR going and creating more artwork (i.e. painting, gluing, etc.), I almost always choose the latter.

I've known this about myself for quite awhile. I have zero entrepreneurial skills. I have zero marketing skills. I have about 1% technical skills, but zero patience with it if anything goes even slightly amiss ("amiss" can just mean that can't find the mouse.) I also have about zero confidence in my abilities. It's held me back my whole life. It's a good thing that I just plain love to create, and can't seem to stop even if try (and I have tried many a time because I frankly I think that life as a non-artist would be so much easier.)

I have noticed that many of the artists that become highly "successful" have a) an entrepreneurial drive, b) boundless energy and c) a nanny (har har.) I think that you can still create art with kids. It's frustrating and your child probably watches a bit too much Wonder Pets, but you can do it. As for boundless energy, coffee can help that. But I just don't know how to fake a). Marry someone who has it?

I read one artist story in a Home Companion. The artist was talking about her thriving business and how it's sooooo thriving that she had to hire a couple of people to do most of the actual painting on the ceramics or whatever because she was so busy focusing on the business. I thought, "How awful." The art is the good part, lady.

So if someone could tell how to fake it or some shortcuts, I would appreciate it.

Okay, One More

This one is a doozy.

After telling my newly gender-differences-aware daughter that her two best friends are coming to play later in the day, this exchange transpired:

Anna: Caleb and Micah are coming?!

Ellen: Yep!

Anna: Are they bringing their penises with them?

Insulted

I've just been hit with the worst insult that my three year-old can muster. She doesn't want to stay in her bed and it is 9:19 at night and I am not relenting...

"I've got a YUCKY MOMMY!"

Well. There you go. I am officially Ellen the Yucky Mommy. Nice to meet you.